I Hate Toddlerhood.
"I hate toddlerhood..." This was the response, I even hate repeating it and sharing it with you here, but this is what I murmured to a random woman at Target a couple weekends ago. I said that phrase to an innocent lady who was only trying to empathize with me and let me know, "it gets batter, hang in there," as I stared helplessly at my two crying tots. It was one of those trips where you stumble on something, say shoes, as we did, and you think, "hmm...these are cute, let's try them on guys!"
WRONG! Scene: I have one crying babe because she doesn't want to take the new shoes off, the ones with the plastic hanger AND the bunny cord annoyance still attached, and put her shoes back on and the other babe crying because she doesn't even want to look at the new shoes. Now I have one stiff toddler, screaming, resisting going back in the buggy, imagine me trying to maneuver one of those plastic neon yellow people-guys holding a flag to warn cars to slow for kids, into a big red shopping cart seat with leg holes that seem to disappear right when a foot gets within proximity. And then I have the other one crying because she just wants attention too and oh, yes, she needs to go potty. This wonderful, compassionate woman, who had been there, who was with her pre-teen daughter looking at bedroom decor across the aisle strolled by the wreckage and she gave me a knowing glance of care and gave an, been-there-mama, and looked over her shoulder smiling, "It get's better!" I am envisioning my response to her in my head and I am pretty sure I looked like a sad sack teen, like DJ Tanner of Full House, sitting in a mood on the edge of her bed because Dan didn't ask her to the dance, and I darted back... "I hate toddlerhood."
I regretted it as soon as I said it. I thought about saying it later that day. I regret saying it when husband and I talk about things they said that day that made us proud and happy. I regret saying that stupid, careless phrase now. I also regret saying to friends or my husband, "I am ready to get my life back!" That last one in reference to anticipating the day they go to school. EEK! NO! I don't mean that, I don't mean that Mister Genie! Yes, insert double teary-eyed emoji, I have said that. I regret saying those ugly things, and yet I have!
Then there's the moments and times that I LOVE toddlerhood! Like when the girls and I played "dolls," aka Barbies, the other night. We played school, and were doing letters with little cards and then Arlo interjected, "anyone want to go in a hot air balloon guys?!" I was like, "YEAHHH!" She had tucked two little dolls into a little purse and held it high overhead and I had the Barbie grab onto the strap and I started running and leading them on a hot air balloon adventure around the living room. THEN, then I loved toddlerhood.
Or when the girls and I totally rented and binge watched Trolls all weekend together last week! SO. GREAT. I loved it and I loved that I loved it with them and now we share lines in it! I can share about how I took my trolls to school in third and fourth grade and we would play with them at recess! Toddlerhood ain't bad when Trolls are involved, right?! I bought them tiny trolls last night as a surprise and they both took them up to baths and sat them on the counter while they washed, held them tight during story time and pulled on their frizzy hair and then put them underneath their pillows. WHAT?! THIS toddler stuff is pretty great.
And playing Shopkins with them! And waking up and sitting on the floor blowing bubbles with them, because why not, they were there on the shelf and Arlo wanted them so we did. And making Valentine cards with them and seeing Remy "write" out her thoughts by making wavy lines for the first time like a real cursive written letter... And talking with them and hearing what they have processed and put together. The surprises they show me everyday.
So to all who have witnessed me in the midst of meltdown-mode toddlerdom and said, "It gets better," know that I am just now starting to think that you ARE right! I AM listening to YOU. I am hearing you and really processing and feeling your words, and the "Enjoy it, it goes so fast..." I. AM. I AM.... truly, living, breathing, and incubating this. You never see those strangers again. So I wanted to say it out loud here I guess. I don't need to think about parenthood as "getting better"in increments of time being much further away than this today. Everyone's right, it DOES get better, just give it a five minutes. Not five years, not when they go to school, not when they can wipe themselves or get their own undies on, but right now. It gets better right now, if you let it, see it, and wait those five minutes for it. Shoes or no shoes.
Here's a few photos I found from a trip to Curtis Park we took a couple months ago and some of our favorite times in life so far together have been at parks. So, there's that. Maybe I do love toddlerhood...
Remy is wearing a Soft Gallery dress, a brand I am quickly falling for! This pink dress with peplum by them is fabulous for fall! I am a sucker for a peplum dress for some reason. Remy also has on trusty, black leggings from Target and Supra sneakers. Arlo is wearing a romper from Soft Gallery and See Kai Run sneakers which we LOVED, and then shortly after this we lost one on our trip to Glenwood Springs! Boo! This is the See Kai Run style we like; it fits so well, and the velcro makes it super easy to throw on.