I have had a lot of time to myself these past 21 months. Not really any "me" time you hear about like getting a manicure or sitting in book stores reading magazines, or even peeing in peace. Lots and lots of time upstairs in my head. There have been articles, blog posts and banter on daytime talk shows about how staying home can be "lonely" or "isolating." I find that it quite suits my personality and I find it EXCITING, LIBERATING and I feel very very focused. There is simply no time to do anything else but be focused 100% on these two littles. I never yearn my previous single life or ponder "what if" scenarios or daydream about dates with girlfriends. It's just not me.
When I was working at an office, there was one job in particular I loathed. It drained me. It wore me out emotionally and mentally to the point I napped in my car at lunch and it all ended one day that I actually had to leave to the doctor with an anxiety attack and as my intuition had made me ill, and was dead on, I was fired when I came back to the office that day. Thank the Lord!
I have had many other "jobs" and many where I wished I could just sit outside for a minute and feel the sunshine on my face and enjoy my surroundings. Can you believe I found that job?! Motherhood to me has been this feeling- sunshine on my face, sitting in some grass somewhere on a Tuesday at 11 am. Bliss.
I still search for work here and there, throwing my hat in the ring on things that sound interesting or in the hopes that they might be flexible and allow work from home, but right now, I am gainfully, and HAPPILY employed by these two nuggets and I couldn't be more poor, or more happy. There have been days I cried on my husbands shoulders out of exhaustion. There have been stressful moments, but only tiny pin pricks out of long joyful days.
I feel so lucky and blessed that every night I go to sleep with options and possibilities and wonder of what we will do the next day. I praise God every night, well most nights, I am trying to get more consistent with prayer too, that I got to see these faces today. I relish the fact that I am NOT a "weekend mom." I glorify and cherish our nightly family dinners, bath, story and bedtime rituals. That does not mean that I don't enjoy the quiet after their precious little faces are pressed against their pillows and I sip a cup of tea....but I am so thankful it is I who gets to tuck them in at night.
It is exhausting work, the hardest work, stressful work, emotionally draining, but I STILL prefer this over any other job I have interviewed for in the last 21 months. Oh the interviews, that folks, is a book in and of itself.
So at my job this last week, while recouping from a wicked sinus head cold, (I don't get any sick days), I took my boss (Remy) and manager (Arlo) on an excursion to the park- TWICE! I gave my manager a suggestion, "Why don't you try holding onto your toe?" She loved the idea and hasn't let go since! I introduced my boss to a metal spoon in the sand and a deck of alphabet flash cards. She loved both but still pretends like they were her ideas. I'm okay with that.
My manager is starting to show more personality and has this incredible and infectious laugh that is emerging. My boss is pretty bossy and she likes things a particular way. Like when she's done eating she demands, "DONE, DONE..." as she points to the kitchen table. I have to place her food tray there, not on her high chair tray. She can be pretty annoying, but I just roll my eyes and do as she says.
I don't forsee a raise coming anytime soon, but I heard some talk between them about promoting me, but somehow I think it just means I get more work. Little do they know, I am up for the challenge and secretly think there are far more PERKS yet to be seen!
(This post is dedicated to my little loves Remy and Arlo. Oh how tired you make mommy, but oh how it is so worth everything!)